I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dicks are not precious.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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