i think my tv is drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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