smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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