I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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