yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
