Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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