i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
