i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
