sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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