After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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