Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
