he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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