I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
