I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
