Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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