He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i came on her dog
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
