life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
