we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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