dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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