Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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