how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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