pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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