you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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