I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
