He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
