I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
