I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
