to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
