he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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