Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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