you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Life is so much better after having sex.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
