Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
