there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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