Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
