Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
