Already got asked if we're dating
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
