I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
