I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
