why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
