Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
