oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
