It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
