i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
