It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
