belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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