The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
