I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I smell like Dick and happiness
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
