Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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