i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
