just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i came on her dog
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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