I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
