The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
