I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
