He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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