My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
