yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
