i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
