i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
