Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
