Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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