i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
