he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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