I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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