Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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