So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
