i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
